Sexual desire is such a personal, individualized concept that, for the most part, people can often be left to wonder if their preferences and fantasies lie within the spectrum of what’s considered “normal.” The simple fact is, with so much variety and diversity within the world of fantasy, fetish, desire, and sexuality, there really is no such thing as a baseline normal. As long as there is mutual satisfaction and consent between your partner and yourself, the ideas and notions that rev your engine really don’t matter one way or the other.
As far as distinguishing between a fantasy and a fetish, it often comes down to whether or not something has to be present for you to be able to feel sexual satisfaction or achieve orgasm. A fantasy, for example, may be something that comes and goes, or something that you spend a great deal of time thinking about during masturbation or sex. It may be something that you’d like to actually try in person some day, or something that you have absolutely no intention of ever coming to fruition–but it isn’t a necessity in order for you to feel sexually excited or fulfilled.
In other words, while many men fantasize about two women together, and it’s not uncommon for a woman to have a bondage fantasy, someone with a foot fetish will require some kind of foot or shoe visualization or contact in order to actually achieve orgasm or sexual fulfillment. And while the idea of fantasy and role play has become part of our mainstream sexual consciousness, for some reason certain people still hesitate to indulge in the world of fetish.
But there are ways for even new or novice couples to incorporate a partner’s fetish or fantasy play into their sexual repertoire, heightening the experience for both people and even bringing a new and heightened sense of arousal to their relationship.
The feet are easily the most fetishized (non-genital) body part. The reasons for the popularity of the foot fetish are varied and widely speculated about. According to some research, it stems from a submissive act of humility, whereas others believe it’s more based in science and the mapping of the brain–where the genitalia and the feet happen to reside alongside each other.
Make it Happen: The easiest way to incorporate a foot fetish into your sexual routine is with foreplay, where you can offer to give your partner a pedicure or sensual foot massage.
Breasts and Butts
It doesn’t take a fetish to appreciate a great pair of breasts or an amazing derriere. Evolutionarily speaking, men are actually wired to focus in on these areas as a sign of fertility and a way to pass on healthy genes. Turns out Sir-Mix-a-Lot knew what he was talking about, after all. Whether you’re into compact bums, thick booties, buxom bosoms, or small chests, those with these specific fantasies or fetishes might find it difficult to get in the mood or climax without their favorite body part within reach or direct view.
Make it Happen: Because most people can understand an appreciation for a nice ass or a great pair of breasts (and most women will actually take it as a compliment if you’re enthralled by their shape) this particular fetish is easily integrated into your sex life by simply suggesting positions that allow you access to your favorite parts. Cowgirl, for example, puts a bouncing chest front and center, while doggy style allows easy access to a nice round behind and (provided she’s ok with it) allows you give the booty a hearty smack in the midst of the action.
Often, people utilize fantasy and fetish to seek out the things that they don’t have or can’t be in their real life. That means that those who tend to be in-control, dominating types in reality will often turn to sexual fantasies of bondage and submission, where they get to turn over control to someone else. Luckily for those with this particular inclination, recent books and movies have brought this particular fetish into the popular consciousness more than ever before.
Make it Happen: If you’re introducing your bondage or submission fantasy to a new partner for the first time, avoid going straight for the hardcore gear or scenes. Starting with familiar objects like a necktie, scarf, or even fun bondage set that you buy together makes the entire experience less threatening.