Like all acts between consenting adults, there isn’t a single thing wrong with taking charge during sex and wanting to get a little rough. If it turns you and your partner on, and nobody is getting hurt (nobody who doesn’t want to get hurt that is) the sky’s the limit where getting your fantasy play on is concerned. It’s fun, thrilling, and adventurous to take an aggressive approach to bedroom time. Ready for a little power play? Take a look at our primer before cranking your generator to 11.
Trust and Communication
No matter how high you’re planning to take your partner on your power play adventure, make sure you start with a rock solid foundation of trust and a safety line of communication. Without both of these, the power play dynamic loses its fun and immediately ventures into the realm of scary–without passing Go and collecting $200. No matter what, you have to make sure you are on the same page before heading down an aggressive path in the bedroom.
Long before things get kinky, you need to talk to each other about what you want, and why you think they’d be fun. Pay attention to her answer and make sure you understand what lines are ok to cross and which boundaries are off limits. Never, ever push a hard limit you’ve agreed to keep. Now the fun can begin.
The Importance of Safe Words
Those in the BDSM scene know about the importance of using what’s called a “safe word” to ensure that they remain in control of the situation they’re in. Safe words are a word mutually agreed upon beforehand that means ‘stop everything immediately” without actually having to use those words.
The reason for safe words is simple. In certain kinds of play, with consent, you or your partner may want to say things like “no,” “don’t,” or “stop” and have those pleas ignored. However, it’s important to have an out in place in case things get too intense for either of you to handle. That’s when a word like “watermelon” or “fire hydrant” can alert the dominant partner that it’s time to back off immediately.
Talk Dirty, Baby
Once you’ve got trust and safety down, you can start exploring the possibilities. And talking dirty is an excellent place to start. Many people don’t talk at all during sex, so to even say anything may be a groundbreaking step to begin with. Take it a liberating step further by verbalizing things you might not normally express. Test the waters of letting your inner porn dialogue run free with things like instructing your partner to look you in the eye while they wrap their mouth around you, or telling them that they belong to you. You’d be surprised by just how hot something as simple as claiming ownership of your SO is or a breathy “MINE” in their ear can go.
Always check for their response and allow for enough give and take to see what the other person wants. You might be surprised at just how far the other person is willing to take things to make sex even dirtier.
From there, it’s up to the two of you just how far you want to take things. Bondage? Spanking? Role reversal? Roleplay? Ageplay? From ice to candle wax and everything in between, the sky is the limit when it comes to kinky, fun and aggressive fun.